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Friday, January 30, 2009

Joy and Sadness ...

I am not sure if any other experience in my life could be explained w/ the words JOY and SADNESS ... I cried all the way to the agency today and I as sat in the waiting room w/ Lola she gave me the biggest smile I have ever seen, and then another, and then another (and no it wasn't gas) ... It was God's gift to me for being a faithful servant ... Seeing Lola's birth mother and Forever mother together was such a picture of love and honor ... As I stood there I thought this precious child has 3 women who love her deeply all in such a different way ... The peace that washed over me as I left is indescribable ... I wept some more on the way home and just talked w/ God ... He assured me this was the journey He had for me for the past 3 weeks ... He will hold me over the next few days as I think of Lola ... He will heal my heart and it will be stronger and ready for the next calling ...

Lola, you will forever be in our hearts ... Your face is etched on our souls ... And we are so thankful and proud to have been a part of your journey to your mommy, daddy, and big sister !!!

I want to thank all my sweet friends who prayed w/ me for Lola and stood by me as I walked this road once again ... I want to say especially thank you to Scott who allows me to be crazy for the Lord and for the brownies he brought home today (he knows me so well) ... Sweet kisses to Jeremiah, Elijah, Emily, and Maggie for loving Lola like a sister these past 3 weeks ... They give of themselves so we as a family can honor what God asked us to do ...

"Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. DO WHAT IT SAYS." James 1:22

Thanks for direction in our life Lord !!!!!

32 kind words.:

Isabella's Mommy and Daddy said...

AMAZING..
YOU are AMAZING..
Love ya girly..
BIG HUGS..

Kim K. said...

I hope you've got your hand in a big bag of chocolate right now. You deserve it. Hugs and lots of love!!!

Michelle said...

You are an AMAZING woman with an amazing husband. Brownies?!? Yep, he's a good one.

Sending hugs your way on this emotionally challenging day.

Amie@HeartSmiles said...

Gwen..

You were in my thoughts all day today.. And I was praying for you.. especially at 3:30... And true to my word, I consumed more than my share of chocolate... Bless your heart... Thank you for loving like you do. What a blessing you are to these little ones, and the ones who love them.
Hugs!
lots of love~
Amie

ADELE said...

I know I can always come here and be encouraged, stretched, and challenged to give of myself more as a servant. You have loved on little Lola and you will be blessed. Prayers are going up right now for all three of you women who have played a part in her little life thus far. You are such an inspiration to me, Gwen. You have a servants heart and I just love you.
Adele

Amy said...

Praying for you today, and for sweet Lola.

Love ya,
Amy

Nikki said...

I can imagine how your heart is feeling tonite, Gwen. Know that I'm thinking of you and praying...

You are such a blessing.
XO

Missy said...

Hugs sweetie! I can only imagine the emotions that filled that room today. One mom gave her life, another nurtured her and prepared her for the new life that begins today with her forever family. I have chills.
I am praying that God will hold you closely and allow you to feel all of your emotions, yet be there to pick you up and let you know that it will get easier. Love to you and your precious family!

Diane and family :) said...

Precious Lola, to know that she was loved so well by your family.

I believe that as an adoptive Mama Gwen, you are also realizing how terribly difficult this decision for the birth Mama's must be. I appreciate your honesty always in this journey your family is on.

I learn daily how much God really does love each and everyone of us. He has supplied our every need. He supplied your family to Lola and her birth Mama and also to Lola's adoptive family. What a gift He gave Lola in being loved...and, wow the amazing gifts He has showered upon your family as you walk with Him bringing His children to their forever families.

Thank you again for sharing the Miracle of adoption. For those who have experienced it there are not words to describe the Miracles we have witnessed!!!!!

holly m. said...

Thank you, Gwen for being the heart and hands of Jesus to sweet Lola and those that need His physical comfort and care.
Lola, a sweet, helpless child had you caring for her and experiencing what I so wish my girl had experienced the first year of her life...Jesus.

Hugs to you as you are carried by the One who trusts you with a most precious gift, a child.

God Bless you, Gwen! I'm praying.

Susan said...

Gwen,
You are such a servant and an incredible example of obedience to your children. I will be praying for you and your family. Much love to you!

Adrienne said...

Hi, Gwen,

I have been thinking of you all day. I know you had prepared yourself for this day to come, but I couldn't help but cry with you as I read this. Speaking of Lola's smiling at you on your last day together reminded me so much of my final moments with the baby we named Lily. She kept looking at me with her big, dark blue eyes, and it hurt so much to leave her as I didn't know if I would or would not be taking her home as my daughter the next day. Like you, I will never ever forget the time God placed me in her life to love and nurture her until her mother was ready. Thank you for sharing your heart so openly and for loving these little babies as God calls you to do. And thank the Lord for brownies!!!! :)

Jewels of My Heart said...

You have been heavy on my heart sweet sister of mine... I kept thinking of your post You CAN do this... and I knew that you are right... we can do ALL things through Christ Jesus who strengthens us... Then I thought about the family waiting for Lola... how thankful their hearts and spirits must be to know that their little one, (your Lola) was safe, loved and nurtured, being continuously lifted up in prayer... what a gift your family has given this precious child and her family. Can you imagine if our babies would have had the same Godly and loving care before they were placed into our arms... I am so thankful for your family my friend. I was awake Fri. morning at 4:30 and couldn't go back to sleep... finally it hit me. PRAY! I asked, "for who Lord?" He told me "Gwen" So, I was lifting you and your family up, little Lola and her family and her birth Mom up. The two things that I just couldn't get out of my mind were.... as hard as it is for you to let her go.... remember the joy when your girls were placed in your arms.... into the arms of their Mommy... Lola is a part of your heart but she belongs to another and I know you would not keep a mother from holding her child or a little one from her mama.
The other thing was that Lola and her family know Jesus as their Lord and Savior. I don't know if they are Christians but I will be praying that they are or become born again if they haven't allready and that this precious child grows up in a loving home, learning all about and loving her Jesus...
I thank God for you and your family.... thank you for having a servants heart and for ministering to the babies.
God's will for your life sweet Lola...
God's peace for you and your family Gwen...
love,
Daleea

redmaryjanes said...

You allow God to use you in such amazing ways. You are in my thoughts and prayers Gwen. I love your life. You give 'Send Me Lord' a whole new meaning.

April said...

I thought of you today and wanted to say I pray for you and the Lord will lift you up, and for Lola and her new family, what a gift the Lord gave you when Lola smiled at you, she was saying thank you...makes me cry, Gwen I love ya girl....

Ruth said...

So proud of you guys, thanks for the example you all are to all of us. Thanks for SPURING us all.
In my prayers and in the comforters arms.

Kim said...

Simply in awe!

andrea said...

dag gone you gwen tears again!!

thank you for sharing your life with us!

Leigh Ann said...

Incredible...what a journey. Hugs to you and the family! Love ya!

Noboyz said...

Gwen, you completely amaze me... and I have never met you... I am in awe of your kind soul and sweet goodness.....you are a remarkable mother and friend....
Lola will be forever touched by your love.... and that of your husband and children....

You are such a giving person...
and I envy your heart and soul....

Love to you and your family......
Marci

Kristi J said...

So glad I could give you some chocolate last night...there's always more around here if you need it :) I loved Katie's post...simply awesome...Lets find a friday morning soon to hang, kristi

Brenda said...

Lot's of love to you and all! Hang in there :)

Stephanie said...

Incredible post, Gwen. Definitely tears....what a beautiful gift you gave that little girl.

Stephanie said...

Incredible post, Gwen. Definitely tears....what a beautiful gift you gave that little girl.

delucchi family said...

Wow, thank you for sharing your heart. Will keep you in your prayers as your heart heals.
Love Jules
xxx

3 Peanuts said...

As all of the others have sad---you are truly amazing to give this baby so much love for sucha short time in her life but a time when it mattered very much....AMAZING Grace---that is what you have.

Kim

Joelswife said...

Thought about you and Lola and those who loved her a lot this weekend.......
Hugs to you!!

Tracy said...

you have laid such a strong foundation of prayer over this precious baby! i'm so sad i didn't get to see her, but the back of her head just looks yummy! love that pic! so thankful for you and your faithful walk!!! :)

Terry said...

What treasure from heaven you have held in your arms...how beautiful to think that you are a part of her life, and God allowed it. You're being built up in Christ for His mighty work!

Steffie B. said...

You are such a treasure.....a gift to each of these precious babies....praying for you and precious Lola.....

Love ya,
Steffie

Heather said...

SNiff and snivel...that's all I got today...want to give you some of His word to get you by (of course brownies go a long way;) but my heart feels joy and sadness right now for you friend...I think you rock Gwen and I think the God we serve is so joyful at your obedience and transparency. Thank you and bless you sweetie.

Love & hugs,
Heather

Blessed Mom of Four, Now Five said...

Oh, to know the heart of God, to know what it feels like to love a child and let them go. Praise the LORD for his strenght,
Robbie