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Saturday, December 29, 2007

If Only ...

If only my heart/mind could sleep after one of Maggie's night tantrums ... Our day was really great ...ran a couple of errands, played, played, and played some more ... But tonight was another tantrum (not lasting nearly as long as they used to) ... My heart is so heavy for my sweet girl and the desire to know what her little heart and mind are feeling during these times.... It is an instant absence of the little girl I spent the day with... There is such fear and desperation in her cry, her body jerking, and the look in her face sends chills to my soul ... It is so hard for me to fall asleep after (and boy do I need the sleep) because I guess I am replaying it in my mind ... I truly believe this is one of those things I will never get my heart around this side of heaven ... She told me she "lufa me" today ... THANK YOU LORD FOR THAT TREASURE !!! I tell her constantly that "mommy loves Maggie" and she is starting to say it back with a kiss ... Not sure she completely understands it, but boy does it sound great ...

Emily, Elijah, and Jeremiah are doing just fabulous with her ... She sometimes pinches/scratches them and they handle it like troopers (We are trying to replay the action when she does that and teach her to be SOFT and SHARE) ... They understand that we are healing Maggie's heart and I am just so proud of them and the way the love their sister ...Their hearts teach me how to mirror Christ ...

Well off to try and go to sleep ... Love You All !!!

P.S. It is officially my anniversary ... 17 years & still in LOVE with my amazing honey!!! Scott, you are STILL THE ONE !!!

33 kind words.:

KKamholz said...

Oh goody, I'm the first one to wish you a Happy Anniversary; I thought I remembered it being at the end of December from when ya'll were at Klassic Kids, but couldn't remember the day.

I hope you have a great day. I'm sure it will be.

Steffie B. said...

Happy Anniversay....glad things are getting better. She will heal in time and realize that your love is forever.

Jewels of My Heart said...

Happy Anniversary to a beautiful couple.
Your post touched my heart for your Maggie, for you and for her precious family. Nicholas used to have night terrors for a few years. It too broke my heart. He used to have tantrums where he would go into a rage for a few years. Different than what Maggie's sounds like but from a wounded heart I am certain. I tell him he is my hero... I say it with sincerity... he is. He spent 4 and half years in an orphange in Siberia and still has a sweet, sensitve, and loving heart.
I will email you and give you my phone # if you ever want to talk. I know how it can feel overwhelming at times.... the good news is that your little sweet heart will heal... this too shall pass.
God bless you. and God's peace

Kim Kenward said...

Happy Anniversary and continued prayers and virtual ((((hugs)))) are coming your way from West Michigan.

Love,
Kim K.

Verna said...

Happy Anniversary Oatsvalls!
Gwen, I agree with the others. Those are night terrors. Mya had them too but has not had one for a while. It appears as though they are awake but they are not. They thrash around uncontrollably and can not be consoled. As you said, it would be nice to know what is going on in their heads at that time. Hang in there. They subside with time. Just make sure you are napping when she is so that you don't get too exhausted. Hugs to you. Glad the big kids get the bigger picture and helping out as much as possible. More hugs.

emily said...

Happy Anniversary! You guys are one amazing couple, sharing the light of the gospel with the world. I feel blessed to know you!

Sweet Maggie, praying for her today.

Isabella's Mommy & Daddy said...

Happy Anniversary....
You are both sooo amazing...
Maggie will soon trust all of you and she will be fine...You are doing the best things for her..
Hugs to you girly..

Leigh Ann said...

Happy Anniversary! We love and miss you guys!

Jeanne said...

Happy anniversary, sweet friend!! 17 years....how amazing!

That sweet girl! All of the love and happy times will soon push the bad ones out of her heart and mind. I'm praying for rest for you all. I can only imagine how hard those times are for you....and I'm so glad they are already becoming less.

So, so proud of the big brothers and sister! They are going to be world changers!

Love you!

redmaryjanes said...

Congratulations on 17 years together! It must be hard to watch her suffer, but time will heal it. She is where she needs to be and she definitely needed to get away from where she was. You know that is true. It will take time but she is adjusting. She lufa you.

LaLa said...

Hugs...you are all doing so great and you should be proud of your kids...what selfless acts they are doing. Sweetness on the lufa you!!

Happy Anniversary!

babygreer1083 said...

Happy anniversary

Kristy said...

Hey! We share the same anniversary; 12/29/90 !!
Woo hoo! (still think my mans the ONE too!!)

Hopingforsix said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
mommy24treasures said...

oh I know it is so hard to see her go into her tantrum, but she trusts you as she is letting it all out I think.
I try to always remind myself God will give me everything I need to parent His children. I just try to thank Him and praise Him during the difficult moments for putting in me whatever ability it is I need to help them through certain times/ issues we need to conquer.
You are doing amazing and Maggie is coming along at rapid speed.

December 29, 2007 8:24 PM

Jodee Leader said...

Happy Anniversary! This is a great picture of you and your hubby!

Sorry to hear about Maggie's tantrums. She has been through so much in her short life. She is sooo lucky to have YOU as her Mommy. Hang in there!

Nicole said...

Happy Anniversary!! I'm praying for Maggie and the rest of your family! :)

The Shocks said...

I wish that we were able to reach into their little minds and wipe out any of the bad memories that are in there. Stay strong. She is learning what unconditional love is. her little heart will mend.

happy anniversary

Laura Nipper said...

Happy Anniversary to you both. 17 years of marriage is something to be proud of. Praying for little Maggie.

Brenda said...

Happy anniversary and HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

Fliss and Mike Adventures said...

Happy Anniversary and have a wonderful 2008 - stay happy and safe and speedy referrals for everyone... take care...

Holly said...

Happy Anniversary! Keeping you guys in my thoughts and prayers.

ADELE said...

Hi Gwen, Happy Anniversary!! Please know that you and your family are in my prayers daily. I know God is going to heal sweet Maggie and He has great plans for her life. Happy New Year!

Franceskasjourneyhome said...

Happy Anniversary to the both of you. And as far as your babygirl is concerned she will heal because she has an extraordinary mommy. God will make things all better , I know he will. I pray that all of you have a very blessed 2008. Love, Kristy

nikki said...

You ARE healing that sweet girl's heart one "I love you" at a time...your family is continually in our prayers.
XO

And Happy Be-lated Anniversary to one of the most AMAZING couples I have EVER met!

shuey6 said...

Bennett had the same little sleep terror-tantrums for about a month after going home. My mother's intuition believes he was working it all out in his mind... so much to adjust to! She'll be over it soon.

Hugs!

LINDA said...

There are alot of things that we may never understand. I know that these circumstances will change and fade to memories. Hang in there. God will never give us more than we can handle. Maggie will grow and her fears will fade away. Many blessings in the new year.
I will pray for Maggie's peace.

Beckyb said...

Didn't realize we had anniversaries so close!!! Congrats and hope you enjoyed your day. Still praying for you all - I am glad that God brings peace!!

Heather said...

Gwen,
You continue to flood my prayers and I am so sad by the night terrors but overjoyed at all the blessings you have to report. God is good, thank goodness He held Maggie when you could not and thank goodness He holds you whle you raise all those beautiful children up in Him:)
Happy Anniversary.
Heather

Denise C said...

Happy Anniversary!! and Happy New Year to your precious family! We are lifting up your sweet Maggie in prayer to the Father above every single day. She is such a little doll. Sweet blessings to you!

Nancy said...

I opened your blog, and just remembered that I dreamed about Maggie last night. Don't remember much, but she had a big smile and her hair was coming in slowly, but beautifully.

Kim said...

Congratulations! Is your anniversary on the 29th? Richard and I just celebrated our 20th on Dec.5th =]

Emmie said...

aww hope u and scott had a great anniversary!
and i am praying daily for u and ur whole family. im sure everything will get better soon with Maggie.
but i miss u sooooo sooo much. i think about u all the time and how i miss u so much. =''[[ i love ya girl!