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Wednesday, March 21, 2012

How Do I Lift The Fog just a LITTLE

I just want to be able to turn my mind off a bit ... AND I CAN'T SEEM TO DO IT !!!  The last nine months I have felt like I am in a BIG OLE FAT fog (not a bad one, but just a really crowded one) ... I know that God has placed many amazing journeys in my life and I feel his presence each step of the way, but the battle between FLESH and SPIRIT is so real ...I can flash back to about 4 years ago and say that today I miss my 2 hr work outs each day w/ nothing to think about, but competing w/ myself on the treadmill, or trying a new exercise ... I remember the days of going to the grocery store and remembering to buy everything on my list and then simply driving home to some crazy fun music to clean the house and organize my day ... It was all so simple and routine and neat ... I had a schedule and a plan ... I was happy and oblivious ...

Now hear me say that I wouldn't go back for all the money in the world, but I am desperately trying to find my BALANCE in the fog ... I have experienced JOY like only God can show, but this change doesn't come over night ... FLESH vs SPIRIT is an ongoing battle and sometimes I do ok ... I am like a warrior standing on a log in the middle of the river ... I have peace, balance, and the JOY to maneuver the journey we are on whether it is therapy, hospital, drivers test, prom, parenting issues, basketball games w/ the crew, the millions of school activities, projects or to do list ... and other times I will confess I am more like a woman in a boat w/out a paddle heading down a water fall ... lol ... Everything collides and gets jumbled up ... I am learning to accept how these two realities can and must co-exist and be ok w/ that ...

COMICAL, COMICAL, COMICAL, COMICAL !!! That is all I can say ... I choose not to let it bury me, but it does have its side effects and many of them are letting go of fleshly things, wants, and jealousy of others (just purging and putting it out there) ...

I just hope that you know you are not alone if you are on the SAME ROLLER COASTER of ups/down and feeling the real battle of FLESH VS SPIRIT ... Don't sweep it under the rug, but hit it head on ... Speak it out loud and equip yourself ... I am working on what my ARMOR needs to look like for this part of my journey ... I am sure it will change (as my life seems to do about ever 12 months ... hee hee) again ... I am thankful for the amazing 9 people in my home and how they help to make me the person I am ... I PRAY that I can teach them how to battle FLESH / SPIRIT and they will understand all the armor that is available to them in the WORD ...

blessings all and thanks for allowing me to be ME on the blog !!!










18 kind words.:

Susab said...

Gwen, I have never met you but you inspire and challeng me everyday!God bless you and the wonderful Kingdom work you and your family are doing everyday. Thanks for sharing your life with us!:)
Blessings to you,
Susan

Julie said...

Gwen,
Thank you for your honesty! I love seeing your family grow and how you hold onto God no matter what. Hope we can meet someday.

Stacy said...

Praying for you sister! Have you been checked for hypothyroidism? Just throwing it out there!!! I ask my Gyn to check every year hoping to find a better reason for the fog! Actually had to hang a hook for ONLY my keys in the kitchen to make a new routine for myself! HeeHee! I haven't had a chance to message you about our little Man's MRI for microtia and serious speech delays but need to. Satan knows just how to attack us! Pull out that armor and dust it off!

Stacey said...

Thanks for being YOU! Why else do you think we read?

A urora said...

May God give you the strength and grace to juggle your crazy, awesome life!

"Are These Kids All Yours?" said...

I say TELL IT LIKE IT IS!!!!! Be REAL is the only way we were meant to be!!!!!

Praying God can help you find your new normal. It is so hard sometimes. Easier others. But that fog sounds very familiar!

Praying for you sister in Christ!

From my full heart... said...

I love your sweet heart! In all this craziness remember it IS ok to be still...everything will still be there after you have taken time to catch your breath and just BE. Bless you and may He multiply your hours!

Jill said...

Love this. And you are so not alone in this thinking. Just remember seeing God's grace and overwhelming love admist the chaos is better than what our old brains and lives used to be anyway. :)

Rob and Jordan said...

LOVE hearing your heart like this! Makes me wanna cry with thanksgiving...feel like this post was a love note from HIM for my heart. Even though my fog is different, it is thick and hard to see through, and sometimes I feel like I CANNOT KEEP GOING. I dont have it in me to keep stirring HOPE waters...and I know thats where he wants me bc when I LEAN IN towards Him thats when His power pours through me...it certainly doesnt when Im putting on my big girl pants and sayin I can handle this. THANK YOU for writing this today. And maybe you didnt mean the jealousy part this way, but I have to fight that fight so often of looking at other moms complaining about ear infections and feel like Im being punched in the gut bc they think its actually a problem (and I used to BE that mom). I could go on, phew but thank you. and p.s. (cause no matter how wise/mature/etc one might be, every woman loves to hear) You are such a stinkin hottie!! (heehee) I hope I look as adorable as you do when Im your age!! You radiate the glow of the Face you look to Momma!!

Sophie said...

thanks for sharing Gwen and for encouraging me with this post.

I love your honesty and sense of humor.

have a blessed day

Tracy said...

Love you sister!! And you are not alone!! Miss you bunches--- hoping we can both take a big ole TIME OUT and catch up! At least you're still gorgeous as ever!!-- I'm hoping that I can remember my google password to make this comment post! ha!

Shonni said...

This is so exactly where I am at right now. Thank you for sharing your heart.

Anonymous said...

Do I understand?!

HECK YEAH!

This last 6 weeks in India, trying to figure it all out, and coming to the reality that this is our new life.... "fog" works as a good description.

But, it's good. And tiring. And amazing. And intimidating. And- like you- I wouldn't trade it for anything!

Now, let's encourage each other that *this* is what "normal" as Christ-followers should look like.

You're doing awesome!

Tisra
www.fadelyfamily.com

Jo's Corner said...

You're just plain ol' Precious, Girl! Being a Christian does not mean perfection. Only He is. We just need to strive to be more like Him. I'd say you are doing a heck of a job! Thanks for your honesty! It is refreshing. Looking forward to spending Eternity together. Love, Jo

Jean said...

I am with ya! My world collides so often... maybe even all the time!! We range in age from 28 to 3 yrs old!

It is all so beyond me and more than I could ever do- I gotta give it to the master planner! It is so amazing how he coordinates everything in this crazy life of ours!!

And as for matters of the flesh... yep, that's a battle too!

Alisha said...

Thank you for keeping it real. :) Much love!

Anonymous said...

Thank you for your honesty. I feel encouraged and refreshed! Valerie Snyder

purpledragon said...

Just a quick note to say that I see the 147 Million Orphans gear EVERYWHERE. The apartment manager at my complex has a bracelet, a lady at a youth basketball game in Smyrna had a baseball tee, and I saw one of the canvas FEED 1 bags when I was leaving a Vanderbilt baseball game. You are making a huge difference, and you're doing it authentically. I hope that makes you smile if nothing else. Keep on keeping on :)