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Saturday, November 21, 2009

Where Am I At Today ...

It has been a long week and there always seems to be moments lately when I get to choose which direction I will let my emotions go ... sadness or joy, jealousy or contentment, anger or patience, selfish or giving, crying or laughing ... I have been faced with all these emotions and choices this week and it has been very evident as I talk with God on how I should handle these emotions ... I am for the most part a glass half-full kind of girl ... I am one of those people when I have a mound of laundry that totally stinks and I really don't want to do it, that I tell myself, "Thank You Lord for a washing machine/dryer" ... When I walk into someone's big beautiful home I tell myself, "I wouldn't change anything about my life for that big house." ... "When I am sad that my children are not home yet, I tell myself God's timing is perfect and I have comfort in knowing my children are safe and cared for where they are." When I am at my wits end in the giving department, I find peace in giving a little more."  Now don't get me wrong, a lot of times I just fail miserably and just wallow in my emotions and can't find my way out of a paper bag, but I will say that walking w/ Katie, seeing the orphans of the world as real little faces, growing deeper w/ the Lord and meeting so many people who "GET IT" and listening to their stories make it easier day by day to make the decision on how to face the day ... It is the Lord's day, how will I use it ??? It is the Lord's resources, how will I spend them ?? It is the Lord's family, how will I treat them ??

I want so badly to be used and I know He is using my family right now and the closer I feel we get to being in the midst of our purpose the more unworthy I feel ... After all,  I am a horrible sinner and yet the All Mighty Father can receive glory by my obedience to HIM ...  I love that ... I love that the God I serve can use a mess like me to further His kingdom ... Simple, goofy, funny, big mouthed, opinionated, cryer at the drop of hat, orphan loving, can't sleep ME to do His will ... If it weren't so freaking amazing it would be comical ...

Where Am I At Today in my prayers .... Maggie's next surgery is December 16th, Praying for court date for Joseph and Daisy, Pryaying for Scott and the kids, Praying for Katie and her girls w/ the chicken pox, Praying for Josie love to feel better, Praying for Tracy M. children home from Ethiopia, and so much more ...


blessings to all this weekend !!!!

15 kind words.:

Mom to 9 Blessings! said...

Great family shot Gwen! Looks like a Christmas card to me :)

I'm with you - praying to be ready to do His will every day - right away - all the way!

Love you - sending big northern hugs!
Jill

Kristi J said...

missed you tonight...praying with ya girly, kristi

Jeanne said...

"the closer I feel we get to being in the midst of our purpose the more unworthy I feel" - this resonates with me, Gwen....your whole post today did....but I wouldn't change a thing either. There are days I feel like I'm floundering with no direction and don't have the strength of a noodle to make the right decision. I just can't find the words like you to express it. Love you, lady. Praying for you in the wait.....

Erica said...

Love you. Love your heart. You challenge me and encourage me. Thank you friend. Its been a rough week, I needed this reminder. Beautiful family picture! Love it.

Renee said...

You know, I have been lurking on your blog now for a few months, and I just want to tell you how very, very much it has blessed me. We are currently in a long wait for our son from Ethiopia. I've stopped asking 'Why?" and started realizing that God is using this time to help me grow in Him. Instead of constantly praying for my boy to be home, I've shifted to praying for peace with God's plan. And amazingly, i have found that peace. Of course I still pray that my sweet Anteneh will come home soon, but it no longer consumes me. I know God's plan is infinitely bigger than I can imagine, and all things are working together to further His kingdom. And God is never late!

A couple months ago I read Maria von Trapp's autobiography (Sound of Music matriarch). She described life in this way: There is a huge tapestry hanging in the air above us. We can only see it from the backside, which has all these loose threads hanging down, the pattern doesn't make much sense, it is a jumble of colors and threads and knots, and appears very random. When we go to be with our Father in Heaven, we see the tapestry from above: a perfect, beautiful pattern with everything in just the right place. That image has really helped me along this journey, when i don't understand, and it doesn't make sense to me.

Thank you, for blogging about your journey, for sharing your struggles AND your faith. Your words have really touched me.

Kim K. said...

Gwen- I can only imagine the range of emotions you are feeling right now. Each week I keep expecting to read that you have a court date. Please know that I'm thinking and praying for you. You've got so many things happening. I'm hopeful that Maggie's 2nd attempt at her surgery is successful and her recovery/healing goes well. She's been through so much.

Hugs!

PS. We could use some extra prayers for my MIL. I posted updates on our blog.

We Are Family said...

Sounds like we have alot in common on MANY levels....God Bless you! I know EXACTLY how you are feeling!

Tracy said...

I'm right there with you sister!! Praising God for your precious, beautiful, transparent heart and praying with locked arms with you! The mighty fortress cannot be broken!! love you!

Over-Caffeinated X 4 said...

You know what I just realized? It's almost our one year anniversary! :) Remember, I "met" you last year on Thanksgiving night when I couldn't sleep! Crazy! I love you sister!

Ondrea

Kim said...

Love & Miss You So!
Matthew (and the rest of us) have got Maggie covered in prayer!
Blessings from Hong Kong,
Kim

3 Blessings said...

I love your new blog look. I also love the thought of your family picture with your arms around Daisy and Joseph. I am praying for you friend and your sweet babies.
Blessings,
Amy

Alicia (dna) said...

I love the red shirts on the boys. What a beautiful family picture. We are definitely blessed...so much to be thankful for even in the midst of adversity.

Praying God's richest blessings your way today!

The Ferrill's said...

Where you are at is a good place, sweet Gwen. Because you are at HIS FEET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I love you!
Thanks for putting into words what I feel a lot of times.

Kari said...

Gwen... I love the new face lift. Very cool!!! I just love your blog and want you to know you are a constant encouragement to me and inspiration. I was getting so discouraged about not selling our home and our adoption costs looming, but I'm reminded here in such a big way that all things are possible!!! Thank you also for introducing me to Katie Davis. She is my hero!!
I love ya sister
xoxo

Jewels of My Heart said...

You are in a lovely place indeed my friend.... right in the middle of our Father's will......... stay the coarse.... He IS working through you and you are changing lives....God is being glorified and orphans are coming home....
You are not alone... you are loved by so many as are your babies and we will keep praying and one day they will be home! It wasn't that long ago you were talking of one day adopting them...just praying... now God has done everything but bring them home... you are oh, so close.
Will be praying for precious Maggie's surgery too.
Love you