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If only my heart/mind could sleep after one of Maggie's night tantrums ... Our day was really great ...ran a couple of errands, played, played, and played some more ... But tonight was another tantrum (not lasting nearly as long as they used to) ... My heart is so heavy for my sweet girl and the desire to know what her little heart and mind are feeling during these times.... It is an instant absence of the little girl I spent the day with... There is such fear and desperation in her cry, her body jerking, and the look in her face sends chills to my soul ... It is so hard for me to fall asleep after (and boy do I need the sleep) because I guess I am replaying it in my mind ... I truly believe this is one of those things I will never get my heart around this side of heaven ... She told me she "lufa me" today ... THANK YOU LORD FOR THAT TREASURE !!! I tell her constantly that "mommy loves Maggie" and she is starting to say it back with a kiss ... Not sure she completely understands it, but boy does it sound great ...

Emily, Elijah, and Jeremiah are doing just fabulous with her ... She sometimes pinches/scratches them and they handle it like troopers (We are trying to replay the action when she does that and teach her to be SOFT and SHARE) ... They understand that we are healing Maggie's heart and I am just so proud of them and the way the love their sister ...Their hearts teach me how to mirror Christ ...

Well off to try and go to sleep ... Love You All !!!

P.S. It is officially my anniversary ... 17 years & still in LOVE with my amazing honey!!! Scott, you are STILL THE ONE !!!

Phone rings at noon on Christmas day and Fox News wants to come out and do a story on Maggie's first Christmas (they saw article in paper). My house looks like a tornado has been through it from Christmas morn, I have bags for the shelter filling up the wreck room, and just the magnitude of the day for Maggie had me thinking twice, but I thought what if someone sees it and it causes them to think about adopting or giving to someone who is adopting ... SO WE SAID COME ON OVER ...Of the 2 hour visit this is what they got ... It was hilarious trying to share a serious story as the kids where acting like we were at the zoo.. Elijah wouldn't stop pushing the buttons on his Ben 10 watch, Emily was singing a song to High School Musical under her breath, Jeremiah wanted to look cool so he wouldn't sit up and Maggie didn't like how close we had to sit on the couch ... It was quite comical ... The funniest part they cut (thank goodness) .. Jeremiah told how we had to get rid of our dog so we could bring Maggie home ... I almost peed in my pants ... Hope you enjoy the story ... Love You All and hope you had a great Christmas !!!! Click on the title to go to the video.

My Jesus Calling (by Sarah Young) today talks about in the midst of a problem that is important to not always work furiously at trying to get out of it, but use the situation as a tutor and learning possibilities are limitless at growing your faith. Once you are thankful for the situation it loses its power over you. By no means am I say my situation is a problem, but as I read the devo it spoke to me in a different way. So many people ask how things are going and I always respond, "There are good days and bad days, but I think Maggie is doing great." Most people always respond kindly ... such as "This will pass, Just give her time, or One day you will forget this difficult time." But after reading today's devo, I want to embrace the day whatever it may be, I want to never forget my sweet daughter's cries of confusion and sadness, I want to teach my kids something about the Lord as we tackle the day together, and I don't want to focus on the future when we are not promised a tomorrow ...

I know I have said this a lot, but your sweet words are overwhelming and the love does not go unused ... I have to desperately move the thought out of my head that I need to give back to you, to respond to all the amazing comments, or to make you feel as full as you make my spirit feel each day ... This is my SEASON to need others and I APPRECIATE you!!!!

Today has been a very emotional day and I must share ... 1st off, have I told you lately how bright Miss Maggie is ... She is learning at such an amazing rate that I am amazed by her every day ... This morning I was getting the girls ready for church (Maggie's first time) and I was putting Emily's hair in pick-tails and I was doing Maggie's hair in her famous One-Sided pony when she handed me another rubber band and pointed to the other side of her head where there isn't any hair and wanted another ponytail to be like her sister ... I just teared up ... Oh how I wanted to put another ponytail in that beautiful head ...

So, off to church we go ... I walked in and sat down and when the music began I felt God saying this is just for Maggie ... The music just washed over us and I felt thankful to be in a country where we can praise the Lord, we can pray, and Maggie can hear about Jesus everyday ... So the tears just flowed again...

There is so much about our life that seems to be up in the air right now, but the one constant and every powerful presence is the Lord ... He is holding us, standing beside us, walking in front of us and watching over us ...

Your comments are becoming light to my soul !!!! Love You All ...

Not loving the family picture, but loving the article ....lol

SOMEONE IS STARTING TO LOVE THE CAMERA

PRICELESS !!!!

MY GIRLS

The doctor has said he wants to wait 6 months to do Maggie's first surgery ... He wants to make sure her brain is fully developed and done growing before doing surgery. He says the hole is too big to use her own bone, so they will use artificial bone. Our biggest prayer request is that the skin graft done is China was good and that when the doctor goes in the skin is thick enough or he will have to stop the surgery and then schedule another skin graft using skin/muscle from her back ... So Pray Pray Pray that we don't have to do that (and no they can't use someone else's skin .. I volunteered).

I am looking at that 6 months as great time for us to attach, bond and get her comfortable before the shock of surgery ... I love you all for your care and prayers ... It is so humbling to see God's people at work in our lives ...

Think I am getting weak in my fatigue ... Jeremiah is begging to wear this hair cut to school and I told him NO, but I would blog it for all the world to see ...

Please pray for tomorrows doctor's visit ...After seeing the CT scan the doctor should have a good idea of what surgeries will need to be done ... I am praying the skin is thick enough and she doesn't need another skin graph ...

Huge Moment ... Whenever my children fall or get hurt I (like all moms) kiss the booboo and I have been doing that for Maggie and today she bumped her arm and came running to me and held her hand up for me to kiss !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THANKS LORD FOR ALL THE VICTORIES OF EACH DAY WITH MY CHILDREN BOTH BIG AND SMALL ...

I am starting to think that Mama Bear is here to stay. We go in for our CT Scan and everyone is mesmerized by Maggie. Her story seems to bring many people to tears on the spot. I ask God to use her story to plant seeds of His Grace and Mercy. They come in to sedate her and the meds are not working. I am sure she is thinking "not going to sleep in this crazy place." The nurse comes back in and decides to up her dose for fear her tantrum will wear the meds she already has off ... Second dose kicks in pretty fast and off to the CT room we go ... Can I just say my heart leaped to my stomach as I saw my precious little one under that huge machine lifeless... The nurse then says that instead of letting her sleep it off for 20 minutes we should probably let her sleep for 45 minutes ... My MIL went with me and was a huge help. She goes to get coffee comes back with a brownie (she knows me so well). I go to the bathroom and while I am gone a new nurse comes and decides to ignore the other nurses orders. My MIL is calling my cell phone while in the bathroom and I run back in to a screaming child who is being woken with out me there with a cold wash rag ... She is in a full on tantrum ...Kicking, screaming, eyes closed, throwing her head back, etc ... The nurses are not sure what to do ... I let them know quickly that she was not suppose to be woken up yet ... They aren't sure what to do and they are trying to tell me to watch her head ... LOL ... I said I have been dealing with this for a month, I am fine. They said they wanted her to drink before we could leave ... I let them know very quickly that this would last for at least 2 hours and that she would not be drinking ... I don't think they believed me because I walked around with her for 20 minutes waking up everyone else, until they decided to discharge us ... Should have listen to the MOM !!!

As soon as I walked out of the hospital she calmed down and feel asleep to High School musical in the car..

I will be honest I have never really had sick children that needed to be brought to hospital and I am learning quickly that I will have to be a Mama Bear quite often since I will be Maggie's only advocate ... We see the specialist Monday morning for him to go over the CT scan and discuss our surgery options ...

I am so encouraged by everyone and know that you all are in my prayers as a Thanksgiving to the Lord ...

I have no idea whether I can relay the information received today, but I will try ... I will tell you that Scott and I left the doctor's office overwhelmed and praising the Lord ... Maggie will have a 3D CT scan tomorrow (with sedation) and we will meet the with doctor again next Monday to lay out our surgery schedule ...

This was the news today ..
1. Surgery will take place soon ... Bone will either be used from her ribs or artificial bone to cover the whole in her head ... This will all depend on what shape the whole is currently ...

2. There is always a possibility of rejection and the doctor says if that happens then we will just do it again ...

3. He is hoping the skin is thick from the skin graft done in China or there will have to be another skin graft ...

The doctor looked us in the eyes and said, " I can do this." ... It won't be easy, but we can fix her head and it will be round and healed ... THOSE WERE THE WORDS I WANTED TO HEAR... He was very positive and honest ... He said it will take several surgeries, but Maggie will get the best care in the country ...

Issue of Hair ...

The doctor said that is something we will discuss when she is 4 or 5 after her skull is done growing and her wound is completely healed ... The procedure will be using scalp extenders to stretch the scalp with the hair and pull it over the burn area ...

DOES THIS ALL NOT SOUND CRAZY ....

I am thankful the Lord gives doctors to ability to learn and work miracles with their hands ... My Jesus Calling today was about giving my battles over the Lord ... My flesh could battle all the unknowns, but I am giving it to Him and He is the ultimate fighter ... Thank you for your prayers ... I can't say that enough because YOU are getting me through each day with your encouragement and your heart for my daughter ... She is just the most amazing little angel ... I see her struggles in her eyes and then when she laughs I see her hope ...

I think our sleep patterns will come and go, but that is to be expected ...I am so appreciative to all who are bringing meals and loving on my other 3 ...

(My friend Suzanne's son Caleb come home from the hospital yesterday ... Keep him in your prayers as the winter season comes and germs run rapid)

Late Wednesday night I got a call from my friend Suzanne (one who adopted domestically while I was in China) that their son was not breathing and the ambulance had come to take them to the hospital. I began to pray to the Lord and ask Him to protect this precious life. As I sat on the couch Maggie had many many tantrums that night and I began to realize how many people I know and don't know are attacked through their children. For me and I know for many of you, my children are my most precious gift. They are the closest we will ever get to understanding the Father's love for us (even though we can't even imagine). Our children are at our very heart and that is where our faith resides ... So I began praying for many that night, My friend Suzanne, My friend Carlee and the battles she faces with Cade's eye, My sister-in-law who is awaiting news from Malawi and has no idea when they will make their decision about her daughter, all my friends waiting to bring children home, and all that God brought to my mind ... It was cleansing and reminded me once again that my children are not my own, but the Lords ...

My Jesus Calling Devo (if you haven't bought this book please do)this past week has concentrated on being thankful in the hard times, being thankful and intimate with the Father in the moment ... I think that gets so hard because you want to focus and plan on the future ... It was such a help to me to just be thankful and focus on Maggie for the day ... I didn't think about how many months the tantrums would occur, I didn't think on all the days to be spent couped up at home, all the days missed not loving on the other 3, but just on loving my sweet angel in this moment ... It was such a relief ... After all has the Father not fed the birds in the air and clothed the flowers in the field .. He loves and you so much more and will meet all our needs !!! He will always stand by me in whatever I face !!!!

Update : Thursday I go to the doctor and Maggie is having a full on Tantrum ... I use my best Mama Bear voice and let her know that if she doesn't give me something for Maggie to sleep I am going to get a bottle of whiskey and give her a couple of teaspoons. I may not be a doctor, but I know my daughter ... She can't heal the pneumonia or work through her tantrums as exhausted as she is ... We were operating on less than 4 hours of sleep each night for the past 2 weeks.... Needless to say I got some meds ... Thursday night Maggie sleep a good 6 hours and had a better day and shorter tantrums, next day doctor calls and ask how it went, I explained ... She said well since she has had a good night let's not give her the med tonight and see ... LOL ... I gave her the meds again and she sleep 8 hours and then proceeded to play with her bros/sis and climb into her daddy's lap (should have seen the smile on his face) and tantrums were very minimal ... Didn't give meds last night and she feel asleep at 11:00 and is still sleeping (over 11 hours .... hoooraay) ... Now I realize she can relapse at anytime or never have another tantrum again ... I am living and being thankful in today !!!!

I love you all and have read every prayer, comment, and encouragement you have sent my way ... I am normally the caregiver to others, but this is my season to need help and I am gladly accepting it ... Keep it coming and Pray for our doctor appt. tomorrow ...